Fallen
by Persuasive
Summary: Everyone sees a washed up never-was who peaked in high school. Edward sees his life as over before it began. How far will Bella have to go to reach him. Will she be strong enough to face rock-bottom with him, or decide that love isn't enough.
1. Chapter 1

**As we all know, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. All else is from my imagination. I look forward to hearing what you think of this story idea.**

Summary: Every one else sees a washed up never-was who peaked in high school. Edward sees his life as over before it began. When she comes home, how far will Bella have to go to reach him. Will she be strong enough to face rock-bottom with him, or decide that love is not enough for two, when only one is willing to try.

* * *

The light streaming through the window caused Edward to groan and squeeze his eyes tight as he rolled to face the wall next to the mattress on the floor. The stench of morning breath ricocheting off the wall was enough to make him open his eyes and sit up. Too much coffee in the morning and too much liquor at night. The effects on his dental hygiene were revolting.

Though no one was around to hear him, Edward groaned aloud as his joints and feet ached under his girth. The kitchenette in the efficiency apartment was cluttered with wrappers and empty plastic containers from TV dinners gone bye.

Edward cursed as he heard the trash truck in the alley. He pushed the refuse to the floor on the other side of the small counter that separated the living and sleeping area from the cooking area.

While the coffee pot brewed his mid-morning energy supply, Edward rummaged for the cleanest clothes he had. As much as he wanted to avoid life outside his micro-fortress, he needed to replace some necessities and get more frozen dinners.

Across the small town, Bella Swan arrived at her fathers house. After hugs and luggage arranging, she and her father, Charlie, settled in for an evening of catching up.

"Daddy, would you be okay with me moving back?" Bella tried to keep her voice level. As an accomplished investigator and all-around observant Dad, Charlie Swan knew there was more to Bella's request than being home sick.

"What happened, Kiddo? You didn't flunk out, did you? Oh, God! You're not pregnant!" Charlie started pacing as his mind raced to any mention his daughter made of boy or boys who might be responsible.

"Geez, you're such a typical dad sometimes. I'm not pregnant and I didn't flunk out. I just... it's harder than I thought. I didn't realize how much Forks had become home to me until I got to school." Bella shrugged. She and her father had spent two good years getting to know each other before she left for Wheaton.

"Of course you can come home. I... I never thought you'd want to, but you're always welcome back, baby." Charlie pulled his little girl in for a tight hug.

"You don't think I'm a failure?" Bella whispered.

"No! No, of course not. You're aren't giving up on school, you just want to do it from here? Y'know, even if you don't want to go back to school, we'll make it work. You can take classes at the community college or something." Unfamiliar with the display of emotion and how to properly comfort his daughter, Charlie risked pulling Bella to his lap and stroking her hair. He was pleasantly surprised when she wrapped her arms around his neck and relaxed into his chest.

"Thank you, Daddy. I was scared that you wouldn't want me to come back because of how ready I was to leave. I wasn't exactly nice about living in Forks." While surprised by the gesture, Bella realized that she needed to sit in her daddy's lap and took all the comfort that snuggling close offered her. As the scent of Charlie, warmth and the mild spice of his cologne, wrapped around Bella, she realized that his smell would always be home to her.

"Don't give it another thought, Bella. Where ever I am, you are welcome to be. I love you, Kiddo." Father and daughter sat in companionable silence, drawing comfort from each other in their new-found connection.

While father and daughter reconnected, Edward was shuffling through the supermarket. Without much thought, he tossed frozen dinners into his cart. He glared at the girl who walked by while taking note of the four packs of cookies in his cart.

Memories of his wretched breath prompted the purchase of a new toothbrush and toothpaste. Beyond that, Edward couldn't muster the care to find more than a bar of Ivory and a stick of Right Guard. Who the fuck wants to smell like the beach anyway? Last time he'd been, it smelled like salt and dead fish. Pushing away the memories of family and vacations, he almost cracked a smile as he considered the scents in a 'Shrek' line of body care products.

The check out girl was someone he remembered from high school. No one bothered trying to engage him in conversation any more. He wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't doing anything, he hadn't seen good ol' so-and-so.

He returned to the relative safety of his apartment and considered getting a computer so he could order his meagre supplies from the internet and avoid the locals altogether.

He knew what time it was by the sounds coming from the pub below. Eight o'clock during spring break was different from eight o'clock any other time. The sounds of young voices, full of hope and excitement made Edward want to retch. He sat in front of his TV with the half gallon of milk and the bag of cookies and worked very hard to ignore the sounds of celebration assaulting him from below. Fuck them and their futures.

- F -

"Man, it feels so good to be on a break! I can't wait until graduation next year. This one has been kicking my ass!" The young man hollered at his companions.

"Newton, it's fucking accounting. How hard can it really be? Everyone knows you're coming back and working for Daddy anyway. Who cares if you make A's or C's, you've got a job as soon as you decide to come back." Mike Newton sneered at his old rival, Tyler Crowley, and turned his attention to the girl next to him while conversations turned toward what everyone was doing now.

"I heard Bella was back in town. Has anyone seen her yet?" At the mention of her name, the brunette sitting alone in the corner started paying closer attention.

"Not yet, but you know I am so going to call her up!" Tyler added.

"She does not give two shits about your small-town ass, Tyler. That girl couldn't wait to get out of this town. You weren't even a speed bump." Mike replied.

"As if you fared any better. Shit, all I remember her doing was studying." Eric Yorkie added.

"Well, I remember that she had a thing for Edward Cullen." Jessica Stanley said before pulling Mike's attention back to her.

"Cullen. What a fuck-up he ended up being. Have you seen him? He's like, three hundred pounds now. You should see him. He came through the store yesterday. Bought like, a ton of junk and waddled his fat ass right back out." Lauren Mallory sneered.

"Are you kidding? I thought he got a free ride to Dartmouth or something? Like a baseball scholarship, right?" Tyler asked, surprised to hear that his high school hero had fallen so far.

"You didn't hear about that? Where have you been?" Lauren was always ready to spread gossip. "He was out with his girlfriend one night and this guy started hitting on her, like, right in front of him or something. So, Edward stands up and is all, like, 'she's with me so back off' and the other guy just takes his pool stick and starts beating on him. His shoulder was shattered and he had, like, a really bad concussion. Somehow his girlfriend had managed to get out of the way and called 911, but the damage was done. I heard she ended up leaving him after he lost the scholarship, too." Lauren sat back, pleased that she had the entire table's attention. She loved holding court.

"That's awful. Though I don't see how that makes him a fuck up." Tyler said.

"It makes him a fuck up, because he didn't even try. He just gave up. You know he had to have gotten an academic ride, too. He never left town. I mean, he lives over this bar for chrissake." Lauren sneered.

Silent tears traced down Bella's cheeks as she listed to that awful girl talk about the beautiful boy she loved in school. Without drawing attention, she made her way to the back of the bar and up the stairs to the apartment.

She knocked with more force than usual to compensate for the sound of the TV blaring over the noise from the bar. She waited, straining her ears for any noise that would indicate Edward was going to answer. At last, she heard the turn of the lock and held her breath to see the face she has missed.

"What?" Came the voice, rough from disuse.

Bella hid well her shock at his appearance as she focused on his eyes."Hi, Edward." She offered a small smile.

His mouth opened and closed, unsure of what to make of the apparition in front of him. He closed the door before the swell of emotion could overtake him.

Each stood in silence staring at the closed door. Bella laid her palm flat on the door and pressed her forehead to it, not knowing that Edward's position mirrored hers.

"Please, Edward, let me in. You're not alone. I know you feel that way, but you aren't." She whispered to the door.

"You left." Edward responded, too quietly for Bella to hear.

* * *

I'm beginning this story with no Beta. If you are interested and a picky grammarian, I'd love the extra set of eyes.

Thanks -A.


	2. Chapter 2

"Good morning, kiddo. I didn't expect you to be up so early. You got in kinda late last night." Charlie sat in his spot at the kitchen table and watched Bella cook breakfast.

With a smile, Bella handed him a cup of coffee, made just right. "I did get in late, but I couldn't sleep today." She shrugged and turned back to the stove.

"Are the Cullens still in town?" Bella looked over her shoulder to see her father's response.

"Nah. After Alice graduated, Dr. Cullen got a job somewhere in California. Edward is still in town, if that's what you really want to know." His voice was solemn.

"Look, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but that boy has issues. He's not the same kid you knew in high school, Bella." He paused, unsure of what warning he could offer.

"Is he in trouble or something, Dad? I mean, why didn't he go with his parents? What...what happened to him?" Bella's voice was strained. No one knew about the time she spent with Edward or how they had shared their dreams, their hopes for the future. How they were friends and lovers together while they were stuck in a town that did not understand them. Lost in her memories, she didn't notice Charlie's lack of response.

Bella put the breakfast plates on the table and the two ate in silence.

Only after he was finished did Charlie answer her question. "I don't know why Edward didn't leave. No one does. It's like that guy did more than break his arm. It's like Edward was broken. Shattered. Carlisle didn't know what to do or how to help him. He went through physical therapy and everyone encouraged him to get help, but he wouldn't talk to anyone. Carlisle said he kept saying something about there being only one person who would understand, but he wouldn't say more than that." Charlie shook his head and stood to put his plate in the sink.

"Listen, Bella. I have to head to work, but let's go to the diner tonight. Start a new tradition, huh?"

"Okay, Daddy. I'll see you tonight, then." Bella fought back her emotions long enough for Charlie to close the door and for her to run to her room.

Questions plagued her,the whys overtaking her as she cried into her pillow. Slowly, as the storm passed, her thoughts began to calm and she wandered to the bathroom. After a hot shower, Bella made her decision. It was no accident that she was not happy at school. She was meant to come home. She was meant to find Edward. In her heart, she knew that he still needed her, and the love she never forgot was still within her. They were meant to be and she was determined to make it real.

*F*

Edward woke, as he did most days, to a too bright light. This morning, his breath was less atrocious than usual, but his head hurt more.

He had spent the night reliving all the emotions he had worked so hard to bury,the whys overtaking him, filling him with anger and regret. He was livid that she had shown up. It took him hours to realize that his anger at her was because he did not want to feel the hope she brought with her. He didn't want to admit that he was embarrassed that she had seen what he had let himself become.

He closed his eyes and recalled her face. In just two years, she had gone from young girl to woman. He remembered how her full cheeks pinked when he whispered lascivious words in her ear. Now her high cheekbones were more prominent and curved in toward a slender jawline. Her eyes were still so big and showed everything.

She wasn't as obvious in her shock as most people, but Edward had seen it flash in her eyes. He stared at his reflection in the toothpaste-spattered mirror. Without feeling any humor, he chuckled at the opposites in their appearance. While Bella's face had thinned, Edward's had rounded out. Gone were the high cheekbones and sharp jawline, obscured by fat, paunchy jowls. His eyes were set deeper, harder to see because of the roundness of his face.

He stepped back, sighing at the wreck in the mirror. The only six-pack he had anymore resided in the fridge. Gone was the physique of a track runner, baseball player, weekend football player, and tennis player. In a passing thought, he wondered how hard it was to get into Sumo wrestling.

"Fuck it," he muttered to himself before laying back down to avoid the rest of the day. Just as his head hit the pillow, he heard a knock at his door.

"Leave me alone, Bella!" he bellowed at the door without moving. He waited, holding his breath, to see if she would try again. She always was persistent. When the knock sounded again, he heaved himself back off the makeshift bed and trudged to the door.

"I don't want to do this," he said while opening the door. As it always did, his breath caught when he saw her smile.

"I brought lunch," Bella said, thrusting drinks into his hands and pushing past him. If she was shocked and revolted at the hovel, she didn't react in any way that Edward could see. With a casual motion, she pushed all the crap off the counter onto the the ever-growing pile of trash.

"Well, come on. There's no way you've had a home-cooked meal." She looked pointedly at the pile of plastic trays on the floor. "I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes." When Edward made no effort to move, she walked over, looped her arm through his and walked him to the counter.

While Edward stood dumbfounded, staring down at her, Bella began pulling food out of a picnic basket and arranging it on a plate in front of him.

"Why are you here?" he managed to whisper, stopping Bella's whirl of activity.

Sighing, she put down the spoon before bracing her hands on the counter and looking up at Edward. "Because you need me."

"The fuck I do!" Edward yelled, slamming his hands on the counter. "You left without looking back, Bella. I need fuckall from you." He stabbed the air with one finger to make his point.

"How was I supposed to know? You stopped calling me! You stopped answering my calls and my emails. I thought you..." She choked on the heartbreak these memories held. She cleared her throat. "I thought you moved on and didn't...you moved on." Bella turned her back to Edward and swiped at the tears collecting in her eyes. She had told herself she wouldn't cry. Once she regained her composure, she turned back to see that she was alone in the tiny space.

Without fully considering her actions, she nosed around until she found the stash of garbage bags and started to pick up the trash in the kitchen and living room. She decided to take the fact that Edward hadn't actually kicked her out of his apartment as a step in the right direction.

After Bella took the garbage out, she searched for cleaning supplies. Having found none, she wondered just how long Edward had been alone and how long he had been neglecting himself.

Bella jumped when Edward started speaking from behind her. "Stop cleaning up. I said I don't need you. I don't need you to feed me, I don't need you to clean up after me, I don't need you to come in and save me. I. Don't. Need. You." Edward's broad shoulders were slumped from the effort of saying those words, from feeling the emotions he worked so hard to ignore.

Bella moved around the counter to stand in front of Edward. She laid a gentle hand on his arm. "What if I need you?"


	3. Chapter 3

Bella guessed that being pulled to the door, pushed through, and having it slammed in her face was answer enough. Edward did not, in fact, care if she needed him.

For some reason, this did not dampen Bella's determination, and she decided to stay her course. She would show up every morning and sit in front of his door. She figured he would-eventually-decide to let her in. He really should expect that from her, after all. She was very persistent.

Edward spent the rest of the day vacillating between anger and fury. Every now and then, self-righteous indignation made an appearance.

He was livid that she brought up their past together, imploring him to remember the night they skipped prom and the night they celebrated graduation. As if those two nights did not play important roles in his life. As if he ever forgot the words, the touches, the promises they made to each other those nights.

As far as Edward was concerned, it all came down to the fact that she left without looking back. Even Edward had come back to visit. Twice before realizing that, while Bella still returned his calls and texts, it was obvious that she did not return his feelings. The third time he'd come home, he brought Tanya. The fourth time was for good, his future was killed right along with his understanding of the world.

After pacing and ranting to himself for the better part of the day, Edward lay back on his sad little mattress in his sad little apartment and cursed the day the Bella had come back to see it all.

When Edward heard the knock on his door, he wondered just how long he would have to endure the visits before Bella would give up and let him erode and vanish alone.

In the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind, the part he wanted to stab out rather than acknowledge, he wondered how long it would be before he caved and let Bella back into his life.

He sat in relative silence, trying to block out the noise of the bar and listen for sounds coming from his door.

"I hope you've gone somewhere you like instead of sitting in the dark ignoring me, Edward. If you are sitting in there, I'm leaving some supper for you. I don't know if you ate the lunch I left." Bella stood for a moment, waiting.

"Well, I hope you did eat. Charlie liked it. Of course, he's just happy he's not eating from the vending machine at the station."

"I know you said you don't need me. And you said..." Bella's voice broke. "I don't want to believe that you don't care, Edward." She whispered out, not wanting to acknowledge what Edward had said.

Realizing that Edward was not likely to give in so soon, Bella slid down the door and got as comfortable as she could. She continued bringing up memories that were important to her. Telling him the stories that helped get her through tough times at school.

While Bella recounted memories, Edward leaned against the door, pulling at his hair and fighting his warring emotions. He fought against the devil and the angel, each telling him what to do to about Bella. He resisted the voice yelling at him to send her self-righteous ass packing, to scream all the wrongs she had done to him. He likewise resisted the voice whispering for him to open the door, collapse at her feet and beg her to help heal him, to tell her of all the ways he did, in fact, need her and want her. Despite the ferocity of this inner battle, he gave no indication to Bella that he was there.

Finally, Bella decided she'd tried all she could for the night.

"I've been out here for an hour and my ass is numb. It looks like neither of us is ready to give in tonight, so I'm going home for now. I'll be back tomorrow with breakfast. I.. I hope I see you, Edward. I've missed you so much." Bella waited just a moment longer, hoping to get a glimpse of Edward peeking through the window or opening the door. Nothing. Resigned, she left.

Long after she left, he remained in his spot. He considered bringing in the food she left for him, but then he decided that action would only serve to encourage her. He settled for eating a TV dinner and wondered if he might get more flavor from eating the box it came in.

For over a week, Bella and Edward continued their passive-aggressive ballet. Bella was actually beginning to consider giving up on Edward. She really had not expected him to hold out for so long.

That deepest, darkest recess of Edward's mind was getting more light than he cared to admit, but somehow he could not seem to avoid it. Each day, he realized, he was closer to letting Bella in.

He began to look forward to the sweet, strong voice that spoke to him, spoke to the boy he used to be and spoke of hopes for the man he had planned to become. In his mind's eye, he recalled the little quirks he used to love. He recalled the way the scar on her upper lip pulled her smile just slightly off center. How the tip of her nose pulled down when she pursed her lips and how she pursed those lips and wrinkled her brow when she was deep in thought.

But most devastating to his resolve was the memory of how her expressive, dark eyes grew wide and danced when she got excited. Her smudgy smile and dancing eyes, paired with blushing cheeks and her small hand on his arm, set his heart racing.

On the tenth day of Bella's vigil, she landed the blow that would, at last, break Edward's silence.

"Do you remember the time we walked on the beach and I fell in the tide pool and squished that starfish? You were laughing so hard at me for crying about the starfish. I was so pissed at you for laughing that I decided that I was going to walk home." Bella giggled at the memory. "My jeans were soaking wet and chafing me. I made it to the road before you realized that I was really going to walk home and you came chasing after me. God, you were so pissed at me for walking away from you, and you yelled at me for being so serious and taking everything you did so personally." She stopped laughing, and recalled the emotions she felt that day.

"Do you remember what you said to me? You said..." Bella fell into the doorway, finding herself abruptly on her back, looking up at a very disheveled Edward.

"I said 'If there are two ways for you to take something I say, and one of them hurts you, then I meant the other one.'" Edward leaned down to help Bella stand. "And then I kissed you," Edward whispered.

"And then I slapped you." Bella smiled a sad smile, the scar pulling it just off center. "I'm sorry I slapped you."

"Yeah, you said that after about fifteen minutes of kissing." Edward smiled back and led Bella into his apartment.

*F*

Edward sat on the floor, leaning back against the wall so that Bella could have the lone chair, and watched her tug at the knee of her jeans. It was a nervous habit she'd had during high school, too.

"Bella, you don't have to stay if you've changed your mind. There's just so much to overcome and I don't expect anyone to... well, to try. I'm sure you have better things to do with your time." He hoped that offering her a way out would help soften the blow if she decided to run from his brand of fucked-up.

Bella's eyes narrowed slightly as she looked Edward over. With a deep breath, she decided to ask some of the questions that had haunted her. She slid off the chair, knelt at his bent legs and rested her palms on his knees.

"What happened to you, to break you so badly? Where is that confident boy who had the world by the throat?" Tears streamed down her face as she pictured Edward breaking apart. "Why did you stop calling me? And why didn't you fucking call me before it got this bad?" She tried to keep her voice level, but the emotional toll was too great and her voice rose until she found herself shouting.

"In case you haven't noticed, I don't really want to talk about what happened to me. If you want to spend time with me, then you'll just have to learn to live with that." Edward's voice was hard. He wanted to add another layer of callouses around himself, knowing that if anyone had the ability to hurt him now, it was Bella. In fact, it was likely that she was the last person who actually could hurt him.

Bella shifted to sit next to Edward, propped against the wall. She started making a mental shopping list of the things that she would need to help get the apartment disinfected and clutter-free.

"You don't want to talk about what got you here. I get that and I'll let it go for now. So what now, Edward? I kind of didn't expect to get this far, so we've used up my plan." Bella was pleased to see a small smile lighting Edward's beautiful face.

"I dunno, Bella. I didn't expect for you to get this far, either, so I didn't make a plan. How about we play this all by ear, okay?" With one finger, Edward traced the top of Bella's hand. He closed his eyes and let the emotional exhaustion of the day claim him, pulling him into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Bella knew Edward hadn't meant to let her into his space and then fall asleep, but she took it as a good sign. A sign that somewhere inside of him, he was still comfortable with her, he still trusted her. As best she could, she curled into the recliner and slept until her back and the early morning light would let her rest no more.

She jotted down a note to Edward to let him know that she had his house keys and would be back soon. She ran through the store grabbing enough food for a couple of days, as well as cleaning and organizing supplies. She decided that Edward needed a clean slate and that was something she could help him with.

As always, Edward woke when the sun rose high enough to reach his spot on the floor. The flurry of activity he found around him, however, was unusual. While Bella tried to keep the noise down, the scritch-scratch of brush bristles scraping the tile back-splash was a racket Edward realized he hated.

"Will you please cut that shit out!" Edward griped from his supine position.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to wake you up. Do you want coffee? I made some about an hour ago, so it's still pretty fresh. But I can make some more if you don't like that. Can I make you some breakfast, or do you usually just wait..."

"Enough! How much coffee have you had, woman? Damn! Take a breath." Edward interrupted Bella's nervous ramblings. "It's too early for this shit," he mumbled too low for her to hear.

"Sorry, Edward. I guess I just have a lot I want to do today and got carried away." Bella smiled at him and decided to take a risk and bring him a cup of coffee, just the way he liked it.

"Y'know, I didn't let you in my posh house just for you to come in here and wreck all my careful decorating with your 'cleaning.'" Edward took the coffee and moaned with satisfaction. Bella always did make the best coffee.

They sat in companionable silence, each trying to figure out what to expect from the other and how they themselves should behave.

"Seriously, stop trying to clean my place." his voice was quiet. There was no way he could express to her how low he felt watching her clean up his mess.

"But Edward, it's awful and you don't have to live like this. I don't mind doing it. Besides, I've already cleaned Charlie's house top to bottom." Bella put her hand on Edward's arm, as if every emotion she felt would be transferred through to him.

"You can't clean my apartment and think I'll somehow be cured or whatever else you think might happen by straightening out my stuff." His voice was firm, but his eyes betrayed his true wish, that the cure was, in fact, so simple.

"I know," Bella whispered.

"I'm not a project, Bella. I'm not some puzzle to be solved. This is me, take it or leave it."

"I know, and I'm taking you as you are, Edward. I just... I think you'll feel better not having to live in squalor. This apartment's not great, but it doesn't have to be trashed."

"Whatever." Edward sulked and wondered if he should just go ahead and give in now, since he was sure this was an argument he would not win.

"Well, you could always just think of it as selfish for me. I want to come over and visit, but I really don't want to be in such a gross place. Okay?" She gave him that winning smile, the one that always got him to give in, and this time was no exception.

"Fine. Clean to your heart's content. But I don't want to be here when you do, so I'm going to the library. Will you be done by dark?" Edward pushed himself up with a grunt before turning to face Bella.

"I'll be done by lunchtime, if you want to come back here to eat." She had such a hopeful look on her face that, again, Edward found himself agreeing.

"Okay, so I'll stay here and clean up, but, um... is there anything that you, um... don't want me to see?" Edward chuckled at the blush pinking her cheeks and ears.

"Why, Miss Swan, are you asking me if I have a porn stash?" By the way her blush deepened, he knew he was right.

"Well, love, you clean up then you take your chances."

Leaving his apartment that morning, Edward felt lighter than he had since his less-than-proud return to Forks, Washington. His walk to the library seemed shorter than usual, and he remembered the nights he spent at that library, rushing through his homework while waiting until the moment he could meet Bella. How their peers had overlooked their connection, Edward would never know. Was everyone around them so busy, so self-immersed, that they didn't see the obvious signs?

Edward found himself reliving one of their more risque encounters.

_Edward overheard Bella telling another girl about her plans to get out of her next class under the guise of working on a paper. As she walked away, Bella turned to Edward and winked at him. Lightning flowed through his body as he realized that he was meant to hear her words. He was meant to know she would be available during his study hour._

_He waited, pressed in the doorway between the library and the deserted band hall. He often practiced piano in that space and had a key. He knew it was the perfect place for him to take Bella. As she walked by, he jumped around and pinned her to the wall, giving her a wicked grin._

"_Innocent little girls should be in class right now, Miss Ridinghood." He muffled her startled scream with his hand and wiggled his eyebrows at her. He felt her smile beneath his hand and dropped it to her hip when he felt her lips press a kiss to his palm._

"_Who says I'm innocent? And does this make you the big bad wolf come to lead me astray?" She returned his grin and emphasized 'big' by pressing her hips up to his. She always set his body ablaze._

"_Abso-fucking-lutely." He grabbed her hand and nearly dragged her toward the band hall, key already in hand._

_After re-locking the door, he again pressed her into the wall and reveled in the curves under his eager hands. He shivered with anticipation as her hands, as eager as his, moved over his chest and down to the prominent bulge in his jeans. _

_In the back of his mind, he wondered how he got to be the lucky one, the one Isabella Swan opened up to. Opened up for. She showed no one else the tender parts of her, body and soul-though at the moment, there was little thought of her soul._

_After working themselves into a frenzy of lust and hormones, Edward had the presence of mind to lead Bella to the small space he used to practice. It wasn't much, but at least there was a door and bench._

_More frantic kisses and frantic hands. More mouths on tender flesh, pulling and sucking everything within reach. Fingers probing and stroking heated, slick flesh._

_Even with Bella on the pill, neither was willing to risk being the one in one-hundred; latex was in place before Edward was granted entrance into the glory of Bella's body._

_Both were panting and writhing against each other, but Edward restrained himself, waiting for that final cue. Of all the noises she made, the sigh she let out at the moment she was ready for him was his favorite. No matter what they were doing, he always knew when she was fully ready for him._

_With a small, quiet breath, Bella sighed and laid her throat bare to Edward's lips._

_With a smile, and confidence, Edward claimed her._

_Both groaned in relief and matched each other, thrust for thrust. Edward was used to Bella's ragged nails digging into the skin of his shoulders. It was such a part of their coupling that he began to need that feeling to know he was right and in the moment._

_As they kissed and traded pleasures, promises were made, secrets were told and love was created. This was no simple screw between 'fuck buddies.' No, this was a pact. A merging of souls who were misunderstood in their place and had found peace and solace in each other. _

_Edward watched with intent as he moved within Bella, each flex of his hips poised to bring her body exquisite pleasure. Each time her body reacted to his, clenching and squeezing, he was rewarded for his attention. She didn't see the times his smile appeared because he was able to delay his release to bring her yet another orgasm._

_Seeing her teeth pull at her bottom lip as she restrained her cries, feeling her body bow beneath his as he pulled her ever closer and thrust ever deeper, was more gratifying than he could ever express to Bella. To his love._

_At last, he was unable to hold back any longer. With murmurs of encouragement, almost begging, Bella pleaded with Edward to let go._

_With a cry, muffled by her mouth, Edward came undone. He kissed her mouth, her nose, her cheeks, her eyes, all the while whispering his adoration. _

_She basked in his affection. She glowed and bloomed under his attention and returned it word for word. Heartbeat for heartbeat._

_As many times as they had been together, as much time as they had spent learning each others bodies, it was never rote. It was never boring. He'd heard guys in the locker room talk about how they were bored with their current hookup or girlfriend, and he wondered how anyone, much less a seventeen-year-old, could have already become bored with sex. He thought they could not possibly be doing it right if they were bored._

_There was only one boy with whom he was close enough to broach the subject. After gym, he asked Emmett about his confession that he was 'bored,' only to find out that Edward was uniquely lucky to have a girl who let herself enjoy sex rather than lying still and enduring the act. He never let on that he even had a partner. No, he led Emmett to believe that he was still in possession of his virtue, hopeful that he would be soon rid of it, and wanting to avoid any mistakes. Emmett was all too eager to impart his extensive knowledge. After listening to his advice, Edward realized he could have given Emmett some rather valuable tips._

Edward was roused from his memories by the sounds of the librarian re-shelving books and realized that he had done none of his tasks. After typing out a quick email, Edward headed back to assess the damage caused by Bella.

Upon opening the door to his apartment, he was hit with the smell of clean and a wave of nostalgia for a childhood he had loved. He was surprised that something as innocuous as the smell of lemon Pledge and Pinesol would have such a profound effect on him.

He felt like like a little boy coming home from playing at a friend's house all day and into the warmth and comfort of his mother. Had Bella felt like cooking a pot roast or baking bread, he might have cried. As it was, he walked in to find Bella curled into a ball and sleeping on his bed. That sight had almost the same effect.

He was struck again by how familiar she still was after all this time. The way her lips puckered and her hair tangled around her face. She still slept with her hands wrapped in the sheet and tucked under her chin.

That she still felt comfortable enough with him, safe enough, to fall asleep in his space moved him. He did not want to let himself become vulnerable again, and yet, here she was.

While contemplating Bella, he decided to assess the damage she'd done to his apartment. From where he stood, he could see the portable washing machine connected to his sink, and with a small step, he could see his clean clothes hanging to dry over the bathtub on the shower rod.

He wanted to be furious at her for treating him like a child incapable of caring for himself. But the undeniable fact was, he hadn't been doing a very good job. He was more embarrassed at having to admit that to himself than actually angry at Bella.

How much of a man was it possible for him to be, if he could not even manage to keep his space clean? How could he redeem himself in her eyes? More thoughts he did not want to have. He resented her for bringing out these emotions in him.

Feeling the flare of anger, he turned back to shake Bella awake and to ask her to leave.

He ended up smiling down into the beautiful brown eyes that had always entranced him.

"Thank you, Bella. I really did not want you to do all this." He motioned to the entire apartment, turning in a half circle to get it all. "But I have to admit, it looks so much better. Uh, actually, it smells better, too." He blushed a bit at the admission.

"I just wanted you to have a fresh start. I didn't mean to fall asleep." Bella smiled when Edward reached out to help her up from the pallet she turned into a bed.

"I don't know why you're worried about falling asleep here. You pretty much made yourself at home, why not sleep?" Expecting Edward to be upset, Bella's head snapped up. When she realized that he was actually being playful with her, she offered a full smile.

"I don't want to push my 'take-over' too far, so I'm going to head out for the afternoon. Will you come to my house for dinner?" Bella's face was so full of hope that Edward almost took her up on her offer.

Almost.

"Not a chance, Bella. Before you say anything, please, just... no. Let me have this." She could hear the desperation in his voice and decided against pressing the issue. For now.

"Then I'll drop by with your dinner. Maybe tomorrow we can go for a walk together or something?"

"That's it? You're not going to beg and cajole and whine until you get your way?" He eyed her with suspicion when she shook her head.

"Who are you and what have you done with Bella Swan?" Edward wheeled Bella around, pretending to look behind her and lifting her feet to look. He managed to get a full belly laugh from Bella before pulling her into a fierce hug.

At once, Bella stopped laughing and threw herself into the hug. She wrapped her arms securely around Edward's neck and fought back the tears she felt prickling the back of her eyes.

"I missed you so much, Edward." She choked out. "Please don't shut me out. I know we can't start where we left off, but don't make me start over, please. I'm still me and you can trust me." She sniffed; only moments later, she heard Edward sniff.

"You may still be you, Bella, but I'm not the same person you left. I know what you're doing. Let's just start with a walk tomorrow," Edward whispered into her ear before leaving a tender kiss on her forehead.

Pressing her lips to his cheek, Bella returned the kiss and left. Every inch she gained came with the realization that she had miles ahead.


	5. Chapter 5

Are you still with me? Thanks for sticking around!

After this long break, I plan to resume my weekly update. I must offer my sincerest thanks to SqueakyZorro for helping me get over my uncertainty, for helping me come up with some pretty awesome ideas, and for making this chapter better. She is golden!

* * *

Previously on Fallen:

Bella cleans up Edward's apartment. Edward sends an email. Bella and Edward come to a comfortable truce:

"_I missed you so much, Edward." She choked out. "Please don't shut me out. I know we can't start where we left off, but don't make me start over, please. I'm still me and you can trust me." She sniffed; only moments later, she heard Edward sniff._

"_You may still be you, Bella, but I'm not the same person you left. I know what you're doing. Let's just start with a walk tomorrow," Edward whispered into her ear before leaving a tender kiss on her forehead._

_Pressing her lips to his cheek, Bella returned the kiss and left. Every inch she gained came with the realization that she had miles ahead._

And now, Chapter Five:

* F *

Edward watched his breath puff out as he managed to just keep up with the brisk pace Bella set for them.

"So tell me again why we're walking to the store? And if you claim to be concerned about the environment, I'm going to trip you," Edward groused.

"Uh, well, I just wanted to get outside," Bella shrugged and hoped that Edward wouldn't notice the hesitation in her voice. She found it was getting more difficult to encourage Edward to walk with her.

"Riiight. And I'm the Pope." Edward glared at Bella, hoping she could feel his annoyance.

"Oh, come on, Edward. It's not that much, alright?" Bella did not want to tell Edward that she thought he would feel better after he lost a few pounds. She didn't see him as fat or lazy, but she knew he did and this was a good way to erase that image from his mind. She did slow her pace until she noticed that Edward was no longer out of breath.

They walked in silence before the tension was just too much for Edward.

"So, tell me why you're home. I know you haven't graduated yet— even you aren't that good." Edward gave Bella a sly smile that dissipated when he saw her shoulders draw up and hunch over.

"School was fine. I just wanted to come home. What about you? I heard you brought a girl home to meet the parents." Bella thought her deflection was smooth enough to distract Edward. Not so much.

"No, no, no, Bella. That's not how this works. If you want me to open up to you, you have to play the game, too." Edward wagged his eyebrows at Bella's glare. After a few moments, she relented.

"You're right, I didn't graduate. I'm going to continue, just not so far away from home. I didn't realize how much Forks had become home to me. I spent so much time trying to get out that I didn't appreciate the things that I loved about being here.

"I tried going out with my roommate and her friends, but it always felt forced. I never belonged at any of the things we did." Bella stopped talking for fear that she would blurt out that she had missed Edward and that was why she had come home. She had never felt right, never belonged, because Edward hadn't been with her.

"So what about guys? There's no way tons of guys weren't all over you." Edward posed the question, even though he feared the answer would break his heart.

With a very unladylike snort, Bella thought of her lame attempts at dating.

"I guess there were some interested guys, but they weren't interesting to me. I went out once or twice." Bella shrugged. She didn't look at Edward and therefore missed the pained expression he wore.

"One date was to a frat party. I spent the night sitting to the side watching the guy pal around with his brothers. They did do this really cool stomping thing, but other than that, I really didn't enjoy it.

"The other date I can remember was to the movies. Really, who thinks that's a good first date? You don't talk to each other and by the time the movie is over, you're ready to go home. Well, I was ready to go home.

"After that, I decided that I just needed to focus on my classes and getting the best grades I could get. I did make the Dean's List. Not much of a social life, but good on my transcripts." They walked in silence, Edward processing Bella's misadventures in dating and Bella hoping that she was clear about her lack of enthusiasm for going out with 'tons of guys.'

"Both boys were nice enough, but they just couldn't live up to my expectations." The words were unsaid, but when Bella looked at Edward, she hoped he would hear what she wasn't ready to say: They weren't you.

Edward waited until Bella looked down before indulging in a smug smile.

* F *

"I got an email from Edward!" Alice hollered as she ran down the stairs of her parents' house. By the time she skidded into the living room, Carlisle and Esme were waiting for her.

"It doesn't say much, just that he's still in Forks and doing 'fine.'" Alice handed the printout to her mother and watched as the older woman committed each word to memory.

"Oh, Carlisle! I want to go to him!" Esme's husband held her tight to his chest as she sobbed from the sorrow of Edward's silence and from the relief that he had, at last, reached out to the family.

"Shhh, Essie. I don't think it's a good idea for us to smother him at the first sign of communication. He didn't contact us, Love, he contacted Alice. Let her be the one to approach him." Carlisle didn't say aloud that he really wanted to get on the first flight to Seattle. Hell, he felt as though he could run to his son's door, if it meant healing the hurt that lingered between them.

He hurt for his strong, brave wife and for the amazing young man they had reared together. Memories of the day Edward left still broke Carlisle's heart.

"Is Charles Platt my father?" Edward asked at dinner during his surprise visit home.

"What?" Esme stammered out. Carlisle sat in stunned silence.

"Felix Platt came to see me at school and told me that my _father_," Edward leveled his cold stare at Carlisle before continuing, "Charles, was dead and I was the sole heir to his estate. Apparently, I am supposed to fly to Chicago and settle the paperwork."

Esme and Carlisle exchanged worried looks, thereby confirming Edward's fear.

"Maybe we should take this to the living room where we can talk." Carlisle knew he was grasping at straws. But he knew that he and Esme needed just a moment longer to compose their thoughts.

Edward stalked to the couch and flounced down, arms crossed as though holding in all the hurt and betrayal he felt.

"Edward, I never wanted you to know anything about that man." Esme put a hand on Edward's leg only to have him jerk away from her touch and stand.

"I can't believe that you never told me! I had to find out from a complete stranger!" Edward shouted, pacing the living room like a caged lion.

"In every way that matters, Edward, Carlisle is your father. He was there from the beginning. He was there for me, helped me heal and helped me move on with my life. You and I are _blessed_ to have him in our lives." Esme's eyes followed her son while tears tracked down her cheeks.

"Charles was a horrible, horrible man. You don't know what I suffered at his hands." Because he was too overcome with his own emotions, Edward didn't notice the haunted look in his mother's eyes. Carlisle dropped to Esme's side and held her hand.

"That's because you never gave me the chance to know. What if I'm like him? What if I have those traits?" Edward's anger and hurt continued to radiate. Comforted by her husband, Esme decided to tell more of her story.

"I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant. I thought he would stop hurting me. You know what he said when I told him? He said it would ruin his life if I had a girl." Esme's voice broke with a sob. No one spoke. Even Edward perceived her pain through his own turmoil and remained quiet for the few moments she needed to recover.

"He claimed to love me, and look how he treated me. I couldn't even imagine how he'd treat my baby if he thought it ruined his life. I just could not take the chance that my baby was a girl. He would have killed us both. It was just luck that Carlisle and I recognized each other in the clinic. He saw the most recent black eye Charles had given me and offered to help in anyway he could.

"I couldn't have known that he would become my best friend, but I knew I could trust him. He's been the perfect father to you, Edward. Better than any man I could hope for. I know you are angry with me, but please, don't take it out on him. He loves you," Esme pleaded with her son.

"Sure, he loves me. But not like he would love his own flesh and blood. Not like he loves Alice. No, I'm more like a pet." Edward stormed from the room with Carlisle following close behind.

"Please, Edward, I do love you. I love you like my own son. You are my son. You have to believe me!" Carlisle grasped Edward's arm, only to have him wince and yank it away.

"Don't you ever call me son again! You lied to me all these years. You've kept a piece of me a secret..." Edward's voice cracked. The pain and anger in his eyes tore at Carlisle's soul, but he knew he had to let Edward go. This was a journey his son had to make on his own.

* * *

So, there we have a little of Edward's past. What do you think?

~Annie


	6. Chapter 6

Please send your well-wishes to my beta, SqueakyZorro, she's been under the weather and swamped. It's amazing how quickly I've come to depend on her input on this story. Before her, I would have had no problems posting the chapter with an apology for mistakes, unbeta'd, etc. Now, I can't fathom the thought. I need her correction and tweaks - she makes this better.

And now, on to the story.

* * *

For the first time in, well, as long as he could remember, Edward started his day before Bella came to get him. In fact, he was excited to surprise her by being ready and waiting for her. He dressed in sweat pants, feeling a glimmer of pride that he now had to tighten the drawstring, and tied his shoes.

Bella didn't even have a chance to knock before the door was flung open and a grinning Edward appeared.

"You're already ready! Look at you, smiling and everything," Bella encouraged, hoping she didn't sound like she was talking to a six-year-old.

"Yep, ready. Let's get this started, I want to walk to the library and do a couple of things. Is that alright with you? I know it isn't our usual route." Edward trailed off when he realized that he was talking like Bella on copious amounts of caffeine. He blushed a little at the sound of Bella's laughter.

"We can go any where you want, Edward. I'm just so happy to see you so... so enthusiastic," Bella smiled and grabbed Edward's hand. Edward was shocked at the casual way Bella reached for him, as though she held his hand all the time. As though her hand was meant to be in his. As though a jolt of electricity hadn't just seared through him. As though the two years of separation never happened.

The happiness he felt when he opened the door was overshadowed by the pure joy and contentment he now felt.

Bella was just as shocked. Shocked that Edward would let her hold his hand. Shocked that he didn't pull away from her and scold her for being too familiar with him. Shocked at the bolt of lightning she still felt at his touch. Time had done nothing to diminish Edward's effect on Bella.

As the speed of their walk picked up, they had to drop hands. Though neither acknowledged it, they were both a bit sad at having to let go. Edward was able to keep up with Bella's pace without being winded. He was pleased to be able to talk while walking at her pace, and even though he hadn't admitted it yet, he was glad that Bella hadn't let him gripe his way out of their walks.

"So, you're going to the computers?" Bella asked when they reached the library.

"Yeah, and I may look at the new books. See if anything looks interesting. You?" Edward stretched his legs a bit while they discussed plans for the next hour.

"I'm going to fill out an application in case they need help. There are a couple of textbooks I want to look for, too. On-line classes are fun, but I still think I'm missing out on things." Bella felt like she was flying when Edward pressed a kiss to her forehead before leading them inside.

With her cheeks flushed, Bella floated her way to the information desk. The librarian was happy to take Bella's resume and completed application. After an impromptu interview, in which the job was offered to Bella, she found her way to the stacks to look for the textbooks she wanted.

She was excited to tell Edward of her new job, and when her phone chimed the time, Bella made her way to the computer bank to find him.

And then to the new releases.

And then down each row in the stacks.

She started to panic when Edward didn't answer his phone.

Bella all but ran back to Edward's apartment where she found the door ajar. This only fueled her panic. The cop's daughter in her forgot all common sense, and she charged into the apartment.

Relief, though short-lived, flooded her when she saw that Edward was home. Her chest tightened when she realized that he was a mess. She ran to embrace him, to find out what was wrong. What had turned their perfect day to shit?

"Edward! What's wrong? What happened?" She recoiled when Edward pushed her away and all but snarled at her.

"Go away, Bella! Why can't you just leave me alone? Why can't you see that nothing is going to change? There's nothing here for you!" Edward's voice got louder as he struggled to stand upright.

"Wha – what are you talking about?" Bella stammered. "We were fine this morning and suddenly you're home and drunk at... at one in the afternoon?" Bella flung her arm toward the clock, as if that would be enough reason for Edward to snap out of his angry haze.

"I can't play your little games any more. You come in here, acting all noble, all 'oh, Edward... just take a walk with me' and 'I'll clean up and you'll be fresh and new.' All it does is hurt me more. I can't... I can't hurt like this and survive, Bella." Edward's voice trailed off as he crumpled back into his chair.

Bella dropped to her knees in front of Edward, reaching to touch his face.

"Edward, please. I'm not playing games with you. I want to help you find yourself. You don't seem happy to me, and I want to help you find that again. That's all." Bella's voice was soft, and Edward was woozy from the large quantity of alcohol he'd consumed. Once he realized that he was leaning, eyes closed, into Bella's hand, he felt his anger return.

Edward pushed Bella's hand away and stormed to the opposite end of the small room. "Stop! Just stop. You keep doing that, being nice...soft words and touching me. I can't be fixed, and I don't want you here." Edward walked to the bathroom and slammed the door.

"Damnit! I am not trying to fix you!" Bella slammed her hands against the door in anger before leaning against it in resignation. "I _can't_ fix you, Edward, that's something only you can do and only if you want to. I'm just trying to support you, to show you that I care about you. I always have and I'm sorry I wasn't here for whatever you've been through. Until you let me in, I can't do anything." She paused , hoping for some response, some sign that he wasn't trying to shut her out. She was disappointed. Defeated, at least for the moment, she said, "I'm going home, Edward. I'll come back tomorrow after you've had time to sober up." Quietly, she left the apartment.

Insecurities Bella hadn't felt since before she came home began to plague her as she made her way home, and unanswered questions swirled in her mind.

Had she made a mistake trying to re-enter Edward's life? Would he be better tomorrow? Would she be starting over, or should she leave him alone? Her heart ached at the thought of not having Edward in her life. And the question that haunted her most – what had happened at the library?

* F *

After Bella left, Edward stumbled out of the bathroom to his mattress on the floor and flopped down upon it. He craved the oblivion of a drunken sleep, but he could not banish the memory of that morning as it replayed in his mind.

_Edward was still riding on a Bella-induced high when he checked his email. For the first time in a long while, he clicked 'reply' instead of 'delete' after reading Alice's message._

_He missed his little sister. Half-sister. The thought stung, so he pushed it away and composed a response that consisted of more than three sentences. It was a start, and he hoped she would see the effort and give him time before pushing for more. _

_After finishing all his tasks at the computer bank, Edward made his way to the new releases shelves off to the side of the entrance. Two familiar, hushed voices interrupted his perusal. _

"_I was really happy to see Edward out with Bella. I wonder if they are finally going to get together." The voice sounded to Edward like Angela Weber. _

"_Whatever. I can't believe she even came back here. Wasn't she too good for Forks? Couldn't wait to get out of here. And now she's back with her tail between her legs." No doubt in his mind, that was Lauren Mallory. It took a great effort for Edward to stay where he was instead of walking around the corner to throttle Lauren. Angela's response kept him in place._

"_Don't be so mean, Lauren. It's good that she knows she can come home. Edward looks good. He was smiling and laughing last time I saw him. I don't remember the last time I saw him looking so happy." Angela pressed on, ignoring the fact that Lauren was sneering._

"_Ugh, Angela, really? Like walking a few minutes a day is going to do anything for his fat ass. Does he really think he can change anything? Years of letting himself go are not going to be undone after waddling around the block a couple of times. I don't know why he even bothers." Edward didn't stay around long enough to hear Angela's response. He'd heard enough._

_He couldn't get out of the library fast enough. Hurt, anger, humiliation. It was all swirling around the pit of his stomach like some bitter cocktail on the verge of making him sick._

_Why did he think he could do anything? He wasn't better. He wasn't even good. Before Bella came back, he was just fine with staying in his little apartment and avoiding the world._

_Fucking Bella had to come in and fill his head with hope. Why couldn't she just leave well enough alone? The last thing he needed was other people judging him. Talking about him, like they had any idea what his life was like. All they knew was what they expected of him._

_Expectations. Fuck that! Expectations ruined his life._

_He expected a loving family he could trust. He expected to go to college and play baseball. He expected to have Bella in his life. He expected that she loved him as much as he loved her. He expected those close to him to stand by him, not sell him out._

_Betrayal. Betrayal. Betrayal. At every point his expectations were thrown in his face._

_Somehow, Edward found his way back to his apartment. He found his way to the cabinet above his refrigerator. He found his way to the remains of a bottle of Jack Daniels. He found his way to the bottom. Again._

* * *

I know, the angst returns. It's a long journey up from the bottom. Let me know what you think!

~A


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you to those who asked about the story and have decided to continue reading. I realized that I cannot sustain the level of angst I had going. After that realization, I found the muse again. We start to find the sun here, but clouds cannot stay away forever. Let's see how Edward is doing this morning, shall we?

* * *

The light streaming through the window caused Edward to groan and squeeze his eyes tight as he rolled to face the wall next to the mattress on the floor. The stench of morning breath ricocheting off the wall was enough to make him open his eyes and sit up. Too much liquor last night. The effects on his dental hygiene were revolting.

Though no one was around to hear him, Edward groaned aloud as his joints and feet ached under his now slightly smaller girth. The kitchenette in the efficiency apartment was no longer cluttered. Not for the first time, he cursed Bella for returning to his life and making him care.

Ghosts of his nightmares still clung to his subconscious and crept out in flashes of red and black and blue. To clear his mind of the memories and residual horror, he picked up the empty bourbon bottle and articles of clothing that had been discarded in a haze of frustration and drunkenness. He told himself that it was just to get them out of his sight, as he dumped the bottle in the trash and shoved the clothes in a bin that Bella had set up as a hamper. He pushed away the memory of Bella's smile the first time she came into the apartment after he had cleaned it himself.

He cursed Bella for being gone for three days and cursed himself for being too much of a coward to go to her. Part of him wanted to apologize for being an ass, because he knew he had been an ass to her. The other, more dominant part, wanted to forget she existed and fall back into oblivion. So far, though, he had been unable to reach the depths he had before her arrival. He had yet to decide if that was a good thing or not.

Edward shuffled his way to the bathroom and stared into the mirror, now devoid of toothpaste splatter. He saw bloodshot eyes with heavy bags underneath and the scruff of a beard he wasn't sure he wanted to grow back. The fact that he even considered shaving was another reason to curse Bella. He knew she preferred his face smooth.

Through his debate, his hands began to work in tandem with the deeper part of himself that wanted to be pleasing to Bella and opened the cabinet with his shaving supplies. He never touched the straight razor that Carlisle had given him because it brought back too many memories. His heart clenched at the flash of Carlisle standing behind him, holding his hand at just the right angle and waxing poetic at the wonders of a good, straight razor shave. Of course, Carlisle had also given him a double-edged safety razor and a cartridge razor. He made Edward swear to never use an electric razor.

Edward lost himself in the process of getting ready for the shave. He filled the sink with too-hot water over a hand towel. He brought out the safety razor and put in a new blade. Next was the shaving cream. Since he was taking his time, he decided on shaving soap rather than foam from a can. Building the lather required patience, and he let his mind relax while he swirled the badger bristles through the soap and then on his face with a practiced hand. With his mind quieted, he realized that he was doing what he wanted to do, whether or not Bella would want or expect it. He felt a bit of peace surround him.

Satisfied that his face was ready, he moved the razor down his cheek and then suddenly stopped. The realization that his cheeks were less round hit him hard. All the care he had taken to lather his face was forgotten as he wiped it all away to rediscover its contours.

He turned from side to side and then dropped his chin to his chest. His once-obvious double chin was now nearly gone. With a thump, he sat on the edge of the bathtub. His mind raced to come to a conclusion that he could comprehend.

His brain kept showing him the snapshot of his face in the mirror. Like a flashing neon sign, he saw that all his efforts had made a difference, and it mattered to him. He mattered to himself.

Across town, Charlie wondered what to do about the drastic change in his daughter. Replacing his sweet and happy young woman was a grumbling, irritable and whiny..._teenager_. The personality shift was troubling to say the least.

"Bella, if you slam those dishes any harder, you're going to break 'em." Charlie shook his head. He tried to steady Bella's hand only to have her jerk away from his touch.

"Don't! I am fine." Bella hissed between clenched teeth and glared for a moment. When she saw the concerned look on Charlie's face, she sagged against him.

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I didn't mean to be rude to you."

"You've been so temperamental, I feel like I've been walking on eggshells. What's got you so worked up, kiddo?"

With a heavy sigh, Bella shook her head. "I'm just trying to work through something. I guess I'm not ready to talk about it." Bella turned back to the dishes while Charlie sat at the kitchen table.

"Did you know that I went to U-Dub before I went to the police academy?" Charlie knew the abrupt change in subject would throw Bella off balance, just the way he wanted her.

"Huh? Uh, no. I didn't know that." Bella wondered what direction her father was taking with this. Was he going to suggest she go to school there, too?

"I went there for only two semesters. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but it was expected of me. I took an intro to law class and the required psych class. The second semester, I took a couple more law classes and an advanced psych class. I was lucky that the teacher liked me, so I got in without some of the prerequisites. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to be on the academic side of things, but the classes really helped with the practical side of my job. Every now and then, I'll take a class to see what's new in behavioral psychology."

"Wow, Dad. I had no idea." Bella let Charlie's rambling float into the background while she polished the sink and stove to a show-room shine. Though he noticed her distraction, Charlie wasn't really bothered and continued.

"The guys at the academy hated playing poker with me. No matter how hard they tried, I could always read their tells. I used to send your mom my winnings. It's probably the only reason I didn't get my ass kicked and they still let me play."

"Mmm-hmm..." Charlie just smiled at Bella's distracted response.

"Forks isn't a high-crime area, but I'm still considered to be good at my job. We have a pretty steady core group of cops, but I do get cops who come in to learn from me before heading out to bigger jobs where they think they can make more of a difference. Every now and then, I'll get a letter or call to tell me how working with me helped with a career path or how someone learned this or that technique that helped get a confession or find that key piece of evidence. It's good to know that I can help like that." Charlie stood and stretched before getting another cup of coffee. Since Bella made no comment on his sudden urge to talk, he continued.

"People are creatures of habit. If you sit back and watch, it gets very easy to see what those habits are. And, people are gossipy; love to talk about everything whether it's their business or not. So, when I see my daughter looking happy and hopeful right around the same time that I hear that our town recluse has started making appearances, with my daughter, I take notice. And now, the recluse is again hiding and my daughter is cleaning like Martha Stewart on speed, I can't help but think the two are related. Especially when I factor in that they were in love in high school." Charlie sat with his coffee and waited for the full impact of his words to settle on Bella.

"Daddy!" Bella whirled around to look at her father. The shock on her face was almost comical, save for the fact that Charlie could see that she was hurting.

"Bella? Teenagers aren't known for paying attention to much outside of themselves, so it's no wonder you thought I was clueless. But now, you've been in the world a little more. Do you really think I am that unobservant? I make my living following clues." Charlie stood to hug his little girl. His heart ached for her when she crumpled in his arms and started to cry.

"Edward has always been a good kid, and that's why I didn't worry about you. Carlisle, Esme, and I talked almost every day and knew where you kids were. I know you weren't always at the library, but if you were with him then you were safe. But you get what you focus on, kiddo, and I'm worried that you spent all your time away focusing on how much you missed Edward and the comfort of home rather than focusing on experiencing something new. Now, you're giving it up for something that you remember being good. I'm worried that you've decided to pin your hopes on a boy who is not ready to be a man. Everything is different now, and you have to be ready to accept that."

"Thank you, Daddy." Bella whispered. She didn't understand the relief she felt in finding out that her father knew and had kept watch over her, even when she thought he was too busy. He wanted her to have space to grow and develop, but he still kept her safe. He knew her heart in a way she hadn't realized. He cared for her more than she ever knew. Her broken-hearted sobs took on a new meaning when she finally understood how much she had underestimated and undervalued her father.

Charlie maneuvered Bella to the couch and sat with her while she fell to pieces and worked her way back together. He could feel each new realization, break, and mend as her small frame trembled against him. She was a snotty, weepy mess, but he didn't feel sorry for her. No, he knew she was the strongest woman he had ever met and that she would be better than fine. Once she decided what she wanted, she would make a plan. And then, everyone had better look out, because she would get what she wanted.

"I heard a little bit about Edward's arm, but what else happened to him?" Bella's voice was rough, but Charlie could hear the determination. She was different now. Ready.

"Anything that I know comes from hearsay. I've kept an eye on him for Carlisle and Esme, but other than that, I don't know much."

"Tell me what you know, and then tell me what you heard."

* * *

My beta, SqueakyZorro, had this beta'd and back to me back in September. Right now, RL has taken a toll on her. Please send her your prayers while she takes RL by the throat and makes it submit.

~Annie


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you goes to my good friend and pre-reader, DM, who would help me bury the bodies. And to SqueakyZorro, who knows what I meant to say, corrects my stupid mistakes, and laughs at all the right places. Both women make this story better.

* * *

Edward didn't scowl at the people he saw in the produce section of the grocery store. He almost smiled in response to a greeting from an older woman he sort of recognized. He filled his basket with frozen veggies and whole grains. He found lean beef and unprocessed chicken to cook. No microwave meals or ready-to-eat foods were in his basket.

He did not curse Bella for her influence. His heart opened just a little at the thought of her. He planned a meal to serve her, if she would forgive him and visit again.

He did not smile at Lauren when she tried to flirt with him in the check-out line, but he didn't call her a two-faced bitch, either, so he gave himself a pat on the back for his restraint.

While he put his groceries away, he ran through what he would say so that Bella would accept his offer of supper. He knew he had work to do with her, but he felt... well, he felt hopeful, if he was honest with himself.

Edward stood at Bella's door trying to decide if he could muster the courage to knock. He'd been determined all the way up to the door and then faltered.

The thought of her possible rejection scared him only slightly less than the thought of her forgiveness. Could he be the man she deserved? Hell, could he be the man he deserved? Confindence was not really his strongest trait.

"Are you coming in?" Edward jumped at the sound of Bella's voice coming from beside him.

"Jesus! You scared the shit out of me!" Edward panted out while trying to slow down his heart, which was now racing from something besides nerves. He scowled at Bella's giggle.

"Sorry. I'm just coming back from a walk. Are you coming in?"

"Yeah." Realizing how abrupt his reply had been, he corrected himself. "Um... yes, thanks."

Bella led them into the house and pulled a kitchen chair out for Edward. When he stood, blinking at the chair, Bella pushed him into it on her way to fetch him a drink.

"What brings you to this part of town?" Rather than sitting across from him, Bella sat in the chair next to his.

"I'm sorry. I was a jerk and I'm sorry!" Edward rushed through the words, afraid his courage would crumble if he didn't get them out right away. His nerves ratcheted up another notch when she didn't respond immediately.

After a moment, Bella broke her silence.

"You really were a jerk. I don't deserve to be treated that way, and I want you to never do that again. I want you to talk to me, Edward. Even if it's to say that you're pissed and confused and need time to get your head straight. We used to be so good at that. I know that things aren't the same - God, that's all we talk about now - I can't change the past, Edward, but I'm still your friend, and you can still trust me to listen."

"I want to, Bella." Edward whispered and bent his head down until it rested on the table. He flinched when he felt her fingers thread through his hair to rub his scalp. Her touch felt so familiar and brought him so much comfort even after so long without it.

"When we left for college, I missed you so much and I wanted to call you and tell you, but you never came home and you stopped writing and calling." Edward's voice was muffled by the table, but the pain came through loud and clear.

"I thought you moved on, so I tried to do the same." Bella replied. Edward lifted his head to look Bella in the eyes.

"I am such an idiot. I should have tried harder. I should have told you that I loved you." At Edward's confession, Bella froze.

"I think I still do. I did try to hate you for never coming home and to blame you for being gone when I needed you, but I just can't. You're good to me. You're good for me" He paused. "I want to be good for you, Bella." The last bit came out as a whisper while Bella sat, struck dumb.

Edward waited for her response, nerves as tight as piano wire. When nothing came, he shoved roughly back from the table. "Okay then. I've said too much and it's time to go. I've had enough for one day." The motion of Edward standing to leave startled Bella out of her stupor, and she knocked her chair over when she lunged at Edward and threw her arms around his neck.

"I never stopped loving you, Edward, not the whole time we were apart." She held him to her until she felt his arms come around her waist and grip with just as much force.

"Please, please, let me in, Edward. You are good for me. You are the only one I've ever loved." Her body trembled in his arms, and Edward felt intense relief wash over him, as though he had finally relaxed for the first time since they parted ways for college.

"We'll get there, Bella. Together."

**F**

Edward felt so positive after his heart-to-heart with Bella that he asked her out on a proper date, not supper in. As he tried to come up with something they would both enjoy, he realized that it was their actual first date.

Remembering Bella's opinion of the traditional movie date, Edward decided on dinner and a trip to the new bookstore-coffee shop that had just opened in Port Angeles.

He was nearly giddy after getting ready and wondered how early was "fashionably early" rather than pathetically early. He decided to waste time by going to the grocery store to get flowers for Bella and a six-pack of Rainier for the Chief. He knew it would take more than beer to get on the man's good side, but it seemed like a good place to start.

To Edward's initial dismay, the Chief opened the door rather than Bella. He was utterly surprised when Charlie opened the door with a large smile that broadened when Edward handed over his peace offering.

"It's about time you came by to see me, boy!" Charlie teased and ushered Edward toward the living room.

"Sorry, sir. I wish I could say I was busy or something." Edward ducked his head in apology.

"S'alright. I expect I'll be seeing more of you now, though." Charlie winked and moved toward the kitchen to put the beers in the fridge. "Bella said she'll be down shortly." He called over his shoulder.

Charlie didn't see that Edward was watching Bella walk down the stairs. Even in ordinary jeans and a blouse, she was perfect.

"We're just going to head out, Daddy." Bella answered for a still tongue-tied Edward.

"Alright. Don't forget that I'm working tonight, so I'll be home early morning. Have fun, be safe - all that 'dad' stuff, okay?" Charlie kissed Bella's temple, shook Edward's hand, and watched them drive away. They didn't see it, but Charlie had his phone out and was dialing Esme before the car made it to the end of the driveway.

The restaurant was small, quiet and nearly empty on the cool, clear weekday evening. Without either of them realizing it, they fell into old patterns. They traded tomatoes for carrots off their salads, traded bites from their entrees, and talked about insignificant things in their daily lives. After a while, Bella's curiosity got the better of her.

"I hoped you would tell me about what happened with Carlisle. I've heard gossip, but I want to hear the truth. From you." Bella's words were firm, letting Edward know that he had no room to squirm out of this discussion.

With that look, Edward decided that maybe the movies would have been a better idea after all. Resigned, he started talking.

"I found out that Carlisle isn't my father." Edward knew that the statement would never be enough for Bella. It wouldn't have been enough for him, had their roles been reversed.

"So I heard." Bella recalled her long talk with Charlie and her shock at this particular revelation. "That must have been so hard on you. How did it happen?" As expected, she didn't let it go, but she was so kind and genuine that Edward found himself _wanting_ to tell her more.

"It's so simple." He shook his head, remembering the moment everything changed. "I was just walking across campus and this guy called my name. When I turned, he told me I looked just like my dad." Edward laughed, looking at Bella. "How many times had we talked about that? How I look nothing like Carlisle and chalking it up to some distant relative? Alice looks just like Carlisle's cousin, but I look only barely like Esme. I guess I was right about the distant relative." Edward shrugged at the same time that Bella took his hand in hers.

"Anyway, I told him that no one ever mistook me for Carlisle and he says 'no, I mean your real dad, Charles Platt.' Then he tells me that Charles is dead, that he is my Uncle Felix and was sent to find me about my inheritance." Edward struggled with his composure. Bella moved to the seat next to his and stroked his back.

"Needless to say, I was too shocked to really do much besides book a flight back to Forks for the next weekend. I got the time off for bereavement. I almost felt like a fraud when I claimed it."

After several minutes of silence, Bella prompted Edward, "What happened when you asked your parents about it?" Edward shook his head in shame.

"Uh, well... honestly? I was a complete dick. I didn't say anything about why I was home, just insisted on a family dinner. I was all 'pass the potatoes and by the way, is Charles Platt my real father?' Fucking chaos. I lashed out, accusing Carlisle of having never loved me the way he did Alice and shit. Mom looked so fucking devastated, and that is what kills me, y'know. I hurt her so much that night. The whole time, Carlisle never stood up for himself; he was just worried about Mom." Edward's voice broke at the memory of his parents' faces. For the first time since that night, he let himself really see the destruction he'd left behind.

"I told Carlisle he wasn't my dad, and I walked out. I haven't really talked to them since." Edward pulled away from Bella's comfort.

"So, I went to Chicago to the attorney's office to discuss everything. The story is that Charles was devastated by my mom's so-called betrayal and never moved on, leaving me the sole heir to his meager life. Felix told me that my family would love to meet me, and I was welcome to come to Chicago any time. I haven't been, even though I get emails from Felix every few months. I'm just not ready for that shit yet.

"Anyway, I can see now that I was just reacting to feeling so hurt and so betrayed, but it doesn't make what I did any less hateful. I have so much to atone for, and I guess I want to start to do that." Edward was resolved and, though he would not admit it, he felt good about that.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I can't imagine how difficult that was for you. But..." Bella stalled, wondering how to ask without sounding dismissive.

"Just ask, Bella. I won't get upset." Edward smiled and calmed Bella's tapping fingers.

"I just don't understand why you were so upset. I mean, I understand the idea of being betrayed, and I guess I can even understand a bit of identity crisis, but all the anger has lasted so long! It's Carlisle and Esme..." Bella trailed off when she saw the tick in Edward's jaw, worried that maybe she had pressed too hard.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." She tried to backpedal.

"I'm not mad, I just need a sec," Edward reassured. "After hearing what that man did to Mom, I kind of worried about what that meant for me. Would I be like that? An abusive asshole? If I looked just like him, were there other things about me that were just like him? Mom left him and I guess... this isn't how I feel anymore, okay? But I guess I figured you left me, like Mom left Charles, so maybe I really was like him." Bella stuttered at the idea that she had "left" Edward any more than Edward had left her.

"I know, I know. But the reality of what happened has no bearing on what I was feeling. I wasn't thinking, well, at all. Much less clearly. Asshole teenager, remember?" Edward smiled, hoping Bella would relax.

"I guess I can see that. Asshole." Bella played back and ended the conversation on a slightly less tense note.

For her part, Bella remained quiet and supportive while Edward told his story. She had never realized how close Charlie and the Cullens were until Charlie gave her a very detailed description of the confrontation, as heard from Carlisle. Of course, the story was told by a doctor to a cop and then retold by the cop, so it was very clean, devoid of overwrought emotion, and thoroughly analyzed. She was familiar with the facts, but she was not prepared for the effect it had had on Edward. In his retelling, he looked so devastated, and she could feel his loss, the sense of rootlessness from having to question everything he thought he'd known about himself and his family. Even with his anguish, she could see that he was far enough removed from the moment to see damage inflicted by his actions. She watched as the realization dawned on him that he was no longer that same wounded boy. He could begin to repair himself and his relationship with his parents.

Bella's heart ached for Edward, but she knew that Carlisle and Esme would not hesitate to embrace and welcome him back, and for all his bluster, Edward knew that Carlisle was his true father.

After the check was paid, the two walked, hands clasped, toward the bookstore and enjoyed the rare clear night.

Before letting Bella's hand drop so he could open the door, Edward brought it to his lips, placing caressing kisses to the chilled tips. His smile was radiant when he saw her blush. With his hand at the small of her back, he led her to the coffee bar.

"Two coffees, cream, no sugar," he ordered with confidence.

"When did you change up your coffee? You always have enough sugar to make the spoon stand up in the cup." Bella looked surprised and nudged Edward with her shoulder.

"Hey, I'm just full of surprises. Gives you a reason to stick around." He nudged her back before leaning to whisper "But you still make the best coffee. Ever." He didn't miss the shiver Bella shook off.

"Damn straight!"

They gathered a few books to peruse and sat in silence, side by side, until Bella could handle it no longer.

"What happened with your scholarship and baseball?" she whispered.

The book fell from his hands as he jumped. "Jesus, Bella. How about a segue or something?" he snarked. "Look, I just don't have the energy for another emotional purging tonight. Please." The _please_ was so desperate that Bella let the subject drop. For the most part.

"Okay. But you know I'm just going to ask again if you don't tell me," she warned with a teasing grin. Though his answering smile was tight, Bella knew the tension was broken.

On the drive home, Bella took over the music.

"It's the job of the navigator to choose the music." she said when he protested.

"I don't need a navigator because I know the way!" He laughed at her scrunched nose as she held the iPod out of his reach.

They both knew that he could get it if he really wanted it.

"The job comes with the seat! If you want the DJ job, let me drive," Bella said with triumph. She knew he would never relinquish the captain's seat.

"Fine, driver gets override privileges."

"Fair enough." Bella did a little wiggling, victory dance in her seat as she picked the first song.

When they passed the "Welcome to Forks" sign, Edward realized that he was not ready for the evening to be over.

"You overruled only two songs," Bella said at the same time that Edward asked,

"Come over to my place?"

They laughed before the awkward silence settled in.

"Edward, I'm not sure that's a very good idea."

"Why? I just... I want to be around you for a while longer. That's all." He shrugged, as though it was no big deal. But to him, it was a very big deal. It was Bella and her time—and his heart.

"I want to be with you, Edward. A lot. I just don't trust myself with you alone tonight. I feel so close to you again, and I'm scared that I'll rush this with everything I'm feeling."

Edward parked his car in Bella's drive. He wanted to invite himself in, but the cruiser was gone, and since she wasn't ready for alone time, Edward knew the evening was over.

"I want to, Edward, believe me." Bella's hand was hot against his cheek, pressure moving him to face her. "I know there will be changes, differences, and that we will have to learn those things first." He started to shake his head, but she stopped him. "Listen to me." She paused until she had his focus again. "In all the time we were together, I have never felt so drawn to you, and it is killing me." Her voice trailed off.

"Bella," was all Edward managed to say before their lips found each other. Warm tongues and cool lips, cold noses and soft cheeks, chilled fingertips in soft hair. The passion they fell into was breathtaking, and they were panting by the time they pulled apart.

"I still love you, Bella. I know it. This evening brought everything back to me. I remembered just how good we were together. I'll wait until you're ready for the rest. Thank you for coming out with me." Bella sat, blushing and stroking Edward's cheek, watching his perfect lips move.

"I have a couple of emails to send tomorrow. Can I see you for lunch?" He looked so full of hope, like the boy she had loved when they were both innocent.

"Of course, Edward. I can't wait."

* * *

Until next week. Let me know what you think!


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks to SqueakyZorro for making sure I write what I mean to say. Is everyone ready for a little citrus? Oh, and SZ says the end had her a little misty. Probably not a full-out tissue warning, but I thought I'd let you know.

Enjoy!

* * *

Now that he felt alive in his skin, Edward wondered if it was time for him to get a job. Then he wondered exactly what type of job he could get in Forks, or if he would have to venture out to Port Angeles. The idea of having a long commute did not appeal to him, at all.

All this was contemplated while he tidied up his little apartment. He had gone from resentment toward Bella's efforts to a sense of gratitude.

He loved her.

He felt a jolt of happiness run through him each time the thought returned. He smiled, remembering the smile that lit her face when he said the words. He knew, no matter what, they would be stronger together.

Bella got ready for work, but today was different. The gray, rainy day was in no way a reflection of her mood. Today, her sun shone bright. She loved and was loved in return. Her Edward was reemerging, and even with the hurt he had endured, he was alive and getting well.

She wasn't sure if Edward would want to go out for lunch or stay in, so she packed something for each of them.

The closer to lunch, the more eager each of them became. Edward nearly ran to the library and Bella thought her bones would dance right away from her body from all the pent-up energy. She did nearly knock Edward over in her rush to greet him.

His laugh was beautiful and free as he spun her around, hugging her and kissing her.

"I'm happy to see you, too, babe." Edward gave Bella a wide smile and took her hand in his.

"I thought lunchtime would never get here." She returned his smile.

"I brought some sandwiches." Edward lifted a grocery sack that held several aluminum wrapped packets.

"Are there cookies in there?" Bella asked with wide and hopeful eyes.

"Well, yeah. I can't be all healthy all the time." He winked.

"You thought of everything." Bella led them to the small break room at the back of the building and did not mention the lunch she packed.

Edward wore a sheepish grin as he pulled out a cloth napkin to use as a small table cloth and laid the food out for each of them.

"How are you feeling after last night?" Bella asked, after raving about how delicious the chicken salad Edward made was.

"Good, I suppose. I slept last night, better than I have in a while. I guess all that emotional bullshit wore me out."

They ate in companionable silence, full of soft touches and sweet smiles until it was time for Bella to get back to work.

"I want to see you again, tonight. We can go out if you still aren't comfortable being alone with me. Or if Charlie is home, I can go there."

Bella laughed at the ominous tone Edward used to say "alone."

"No worries. I think I can control myself with you, at least a little. I'd love to see you tonight." Feeling a bit bolder, Bella leaned in for a quick kiss. When she pulled away, Edward was wide-eyed with anticipation, a sly smile on his face.

Without saying anything, he led Bella to the back of the small library, nearly dragging her along. Something in Bella knew to keep quiet, and trembling excitement flared in her belly. She couldn't count the number of times they had hidden in the stacks to make out.

When they reached the end of the row, Edward pressed her flat against the wall, his hands on either side of her head. The look in his eyes was so familiar to her, even if his rounder face was different.

In a nearly synchronized move, they crashed into each other, kissing with the all the fire and passion they felt. Edward's hand caressed down her leg and behind her knee, hitching it to his waist so he could press more deeply into her. Bella whimpered from the power of their bodies together, surging and retreating only to crash again.

"I want you so much, babe. God, it's all I can think about right now." Edward's words were hot in her ear, and his tongue tracing the edge had her nearly crying out for him.

"Take me," she whimpered when Edward's hand palmed her breast. She had never felt so safe yet so dangerously close to losing herself.

"You can't make me the voice of reason. I'm barely hanging on." His lips nipped and sucked at her neck, her collarbone; lower he went until he was on his knees at her feet, looking up at her. His eyes were wide with passion, desire, and … love. The love was so loud it was screaming her name.

His finger traced the seam of her slacks, pressing it into the nerves that were already oversensitive.

Bella closed her eyes and bit her lip to keep her moan silent.

"I can't wait to hear you again, to learn your body all over again." He stroked harder, reaching his other hand back up to palm her breast, to pull at the taut peak.

She could feel his breath hot against her stomach as he moved his fingers against her.

"I can't wait to get inside you. Fuck, Bella! Come for me, babe. Let it go." He pulled the button of her pants nearly off to get his hand inside her panties. Rising quickly to his feet, he stood over her, crushing his mouth against her and sliding into her: slick, tight and so, so hot.

She no longer restrained the motion of her hips, pushing them to the rhythm of Edward's fingers, his thumb rubbing against her clit.

"Don't stop. Fuck, Edward, don't stop." she moaned, feeling herself break apart. He loved when she cursed.

One hand pulled hard in his hair while the other stroked his straining cock. He could feel her clamp down, pulsing against his fingers as she came.

"That's it, babe, fuck yes!" He was nearly breathless, his fingers burning from moving at that angle.

Carefully, he pulled his hand back, making sure to hold Bella's now-boneless body.

"Oh my God, Edward," she whispered and giggled. Her cheeks were flushed with afterglow. When she finally opened her eyes, Edward was staring at her, his smile wicked and sweet.

"I love making you come..." he wiggled his eyebrows and caressed her cheek "...almost as much as I love you, beautiful girl."

"I love you, too, Edward, even more than I love the way you make me come. Now, what are we going to do about this?" She asked, tracing the outline of his still-very hard penis through his jeans.

"I'm afraid, my dear, that will have to wait for another day. Maybe next lunch break you get?" He helped straighten her blouse, since her hands were still stroking him.

"I want you, now." Bella whined.

"Oh God, I want you, too. You know I do, but we have time for that later. I'm not going anywhere without you. Not ever again."

They were wrapped up in each other, Edward's arm around Bella as they walked, speaking quietly to each other.

"What are you two whispering about?" A nasal voice tried to interrupt their moment. When they saw Lauren Mallory scowling at them, they burst into a fit of laughter, leaning against each other and ignoring the intrusion.

"I'm going to the computer bank, but I was hoping I could hang around until you get done so you can come home with me. Maybe let me make you dinner?" Edward couldn't deny that he hoped dinner would lead to other things. Naked things. His look must have shown his desires because Bella flushed under his intense gaze.

"Okay," she managed to whisper.

"Good!" he said, a little too loudly, earning an admonishment from a patron. Of course, that elicited another round of giggles from the giddy couple.

-F-

The blank screen and blinking cursor seemed to be taunting Edward. He decided to shop for a laptop until he realized he would lose that excuse to hang out at the library. He decided to check craigslist for bed frames and was disturbed by the number of "working" hospital beds that were available. Facebook just pissed him off and he decided to delete his account. Again.

After procrastinating as long as he could, he went back to his email.

_Dear __Mom __and __Dad__, __and __Alice__,_

Edward held down the backspace button until the words disappeared. What could he say that would convey all the truths he had learned about himself? There was still darkness within him, but now it seemed he could face it with Bella at his side. And if they could forgive him, his parents, too.

_I__'__m __sorry__._

That disappeared under the backspace button, too. It seemed too trite.

"Why can't I do this?" he muttered to himself, only to be startled by small hands resting on his shoulders.

"Some things can't be done over the internet, babe." Bella leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"Is it really time to go already?" With Bella's answering nod, Edward shut down and packed up.

"Maybe you should plan a trip to visit your parents. Or call and invite them to visit. They can always stay at our place. I mean, apparently they're great friends with Charlie."

"Ugh, do I really have to do this? Can't I just skip to the part where we get along and all is forgiven?" Edward whined.

"Sure. You let me know how that works for you."

"Smart ass." They left the library, hands swinging between them.

**-****F****-**

Dinner was quiet and full of gentle touches and soft kisses. They lay side by side on Edward's mattress and made simple plans for the coming days.

"I want to get a real bed. I tried craigslist, but that's a bust unless I want a hospital bed or something that looks like it came from a 1970's motel. Will you help me look?" Edward nestled down and pulled Bella close to him.

"Of course. I'll help you break it in, too." She winked at him and a current of lust flashed through him.

"I'll hold you to that. Right now, though, you need to sleep. I have a toothbrush for you and you can wear one of my t-shirts. Or nothing, either way suits me just fine." Bella just hummed in response, already well on her way to sleep. Edward pulled the blanket over her and went in search of a notebook. He finally knew what he wanted to say.

-F-

_Dear Mom, Dad, and Alice,_

_I've started this letter so many times, trying to figure out the right words. Bella says that when I'm ready, the words will come. She also says that some things are best done in person._

_The truth is, I am scared and "I am so sorry" seems trite. In a minute, I'll explain that the Grand Canyon is a big hole. Or something like that._

_This letter is an attempt to get my thoughts out, so that when I see you again we can talk. Really, truly talk. And I will beg for your forgiveness, though I know how little I truly deserve it._

_Mom, I can not get the image of your face out of my head. How earnest you looked while explaining what a horrible man Charles was or what you had to do to keep us safe from him. I will also never forget the pain I put there from my horrible words. I wish I could scrub that from my mind. I wish I could scrub my words and actions from yours._

_Dad. I say Dad, because you are my dad in every way that truly matters to anyone. Especially to me. Not once did you say anything cross to me. Not once did you call me an ungrateful little bastard, even though you could have gotten away with it. Most dads probably would have. But then, you have never been like most dads, have you? You were always patient and kind. You always showed love and support, even when I was at my most frustrating. You didn't treat me differently from Alice because I am as much your child as she is. I hurt you and for that I will always be sorry._

_Alice, sweet Alice. You got caught in something that has little to do with you directly, and I dragged you right into the middle of it. I missed watching you grow up into a young woman. Knowing Mom and Dad, you are an amazing person and well worth knowing. I hope that I can earn my way back into your good graces and show you that I have grown up, too._

_We have so much to say to each other, and I can only hope that you can forgive me enough so that I can start to make up for the hurt I have caused._

_Yours with love,_

_Edward_

* * *

So, there you have it. Anyone wanna give Edward a hug?


	10. Chapter 10

Both SqeakyZorro and my prereader, DM, are wonderful and I feel more confident in my chapters when they look at them. Any mistakes are mine. Get a glass of sugar water ready, because we have Lemon!

Enjoy.

* * *

_Dear Edward,_

_I can't tell you how many times I have had to stop your mother from packing a month's worth of belongings and flying back to Forks. It's been an exercise in restraint for both of us._

_When you have children, you will learn that apologies aren't necessary to earn forgiveness. Now don't misunderstand, it is very nice to hear, but you were forgiven before you left the house, Son._

_Thank you for reaching out to us, since there is more to be said. Just know that neither your mother nor I hold any hard feelings. You are our son and we love you. _

_I love you, Edward. I always have and I always will. In my heart, you are my son and you always have been. From the moment I saw the first ultrasound and saw your perfect heart beating, I loved you. I hope that you truly do know that. _

_Your mother and Alice each have their own words and promise to write you soon. Of course, this will happen after many rounds of happy tears and discussions of how to make up for lost time._

_Please let me know when we can get together. We can come to you, or you can come to us. _

_Proud to be,_  
_Dad_

After reading both Edward's and Carlisle's letters, Bella wiped tears from her eyes.

"My God, Edward, you two are so sappy!" her voice was thick from crying but the teasing managed to take the edge off the heavy silence and got Edward to smile.

"Yeah, but you knew that. I'm not sure what would be better. Should I go there? Or have them come here? Either way, I think I need you with me." Edward's head was down, but his eyes were on Bella, as though there were any way possible she would tell him "no."

"I bet they would like to visit around here, and that could be an easy way to break up the visit, so it isn't all heavy. Like I said, I'm sure Dad would like to visit with them, too.

"But, if you decide that you want to go to them, I will take the time and go with you. Whatever you need."

"Thanks, babe. Do you think we can go talk to your dad about this? I think I'll feel better with a plan that I can send Dad." Bella threw her arms around Edward and kissed everywhere she could reach.

"You are so brave, Edward. Let's go!"

After several exchanges, it was decided that the Cullens would return to Forks to visit. They decided against staying with Charlie, instead choosing to take over a bed and breakfast located between the Swan house and Edward's place.

Edward felt the three weeks until they arrived weighing on him. He wanted to make a good impression on his family to let them know that he was, in fact, growing up and taking care of himself. With that in mind, Bella helped Edward pick out furniture. Edward mentioned that he had looked on craigslist at beds and laughed at Bella's show of distaste. That is until Bella mentioned that used beds will also have used... matter... on them. Edward wasted no time in agreeing to buy all new.

Edward and Bella watched while the new mattress and bed frame was assembled. With sly glances and muffled giggles, they found small tasks to keep themselves busy until the delivery men took their leave.

Edward enjoyed watching Bella put the sheets on the bed but lost his patience when she bent over to pull the last corner down.

In two steps, he crossed the room and flipped Bella onto the bed, getting a delightful squeal and giggle.

"I have been a very patient man, but I can't wait another second to get you naked." Edward tugged at her shirt while kissing along her ribs as they were revealed. Bella squirmed and helped divest Edward of his clothes, too.

Bella hated that Edward was hesitant and tried to distract her from his naked body. She had tried to convince Edward that she loved how he looked. If she were being completely honest, she loved how tiny, how safe and protected, she felt with him. When he was younger, he was lean and she could wrap her arms around his waist, almost as narrow as her own. Though he was a more healthy weight, he was still robust and somehow that made him seem more manly.

"Please, let me see you. Don't keep me from seeing the man I love." She whispered. Her imploring eyes were enough to convince Edward to relax and let her show him how sexy he was.

She lavished kisses across his chest and paid close attention to his nipples, teasing and licking them into tight nubs and making him pant and rub against her. She dragged her nails down his sides, just hard enough to make him jump, but light enough not to mark him.

Edward returned all of Bella's attention and almost lost his composure when she turn around and swung her knee over his shoulder and took him in her mouth. After reciting Pi as far as he could, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her in place so he could lick and suck and thrust his tongue inside her. The heat and tight and wet drove him nearly mad. His hips pushed up with the same rhythm as the thrusts of his tongue. Just when he thought he could not take another second of tortuous pleasure, Bella's head snapped back and she pushed her hips closer to his mouth and came. Not a loud, chanting call for God and other assorted deities, but a deep, guttural groan and a full-body tremble.

Before she got too sensitive, Edward rolled Bella to her back and kissed her from navel to neck. When Bella let go the sigh, that one small breathy sound, Edward knew she was ready for him.

"God, I love the sounds you make, Babe." He said and thrust fully into Bella. Both of them moaned aloud and held still to savor the moment of being one after so long apart. When the need became too much, they admired each others bodies and learned new steps to an old dance until the sun set.

*F*

Someone had a growling stomach. Neither Bella nor Edward were quite sure whose was to blame for waking them up, but they managed to slide off the skewed mattress and get dressed.

They sat at his little table eating the supper they made together. Because of all the touching and "accidental" bumping, it took longer than was truly necessary.

"So, Bella. Why did you really come home?" Edward was tired of spilling his guts and ignoring the fact that Bella gave up her dreams, too.

"Because I missed home. I missed you." Bella wouldn't make eye contact. Edward knew all her tells.

"Bullshit."

"Uh, no. Not 'bullshit.'" she huffed.

"Okay, maybe you were homesick and missed me, but that isn't the whole reason you left school and your dreams of a life away from Forks," he pressed.

Bella stared past Edward, but he knew she was gathering her thoughts.

"You said you tried to move on. Why did that not work?"

"I guess I'm not a good judge of character." Bella sighed, getting ready to expose her embarrassment.

"You and me, both, babe." Edward muttered, flashes of red hair and black and blue played behind Edward's eyes.

In a silent exchange, Bella questioned and Edward dismissed, reassured and at last encouraged Bella to continue.

"I kept to myself at first. My roommate, Bree, was nice enough. Well, very nice as it turns out. But I didn't have the stamina for her schedule. She played as hard as she studied and with her boyfriend, Riley, always in the room, I felt like the third wheel. I spent more and more time in the library."

"Shocking!" Edward quipped, earning an swat on the arm.

"Do you want to hear this?" Bella glared until Edward nodded and pantomimed locking lips and tossing the key.

"Anyway, that is how I met Heidi and Jane. The three of us took the same history class and Jane and I also had economics. Since we were so often at the library at the same time, we started sitting together. After a while, we had a small study group who got together two or three times a week and then went out for drinks on Thursday nights.

"Everything was fine, really, until Jane started struggling with her econ project. Mine was almost done, so I helped her organize her notes and little things to help her move forward.

"The day that I finally finished my project, only Heidi and Jane were at the table. I started packing all my stuff to go the the writing lab, but Jane said they would watch my stuff until I got back. It seemed really nice to me, so I agreed and just took my jump drive with me to the lab. When I got back, they each looked through it to make sure everything was in order while I ran to the restroom. Everything was great, until I was called to my professor's office and was accused of plagiarizing Jane's work. Bella had to stop and calm herself and offered a reassuring smile to Edward, who was flushed with anger.

"While I was gone, they had copied all my files and research notes and then deleted the file. Apparently, they printed their own copy of my paper, and Jane submitted it as her own." Before she continued her tale, Edward got up to get them each a small glass of scotch. He knew he needed it to calm himself, and he wasn't even the victim. He couldn't even imagine how Bella must have felt.

Without words, Edward led Bella to the chair and pulled her into his lap. After downing half her drink, she curled into his side and let him just hold her while she gathered her resolve to finish the story.

"It was so awful, Edward. I can't even tell you how enraged I was. The teacher really did want to believe me, but there just wasn't enough proof. Especially with Heidi acting as a witness for Jane. If it hadn't been for Bree, I would never have been able to clear my name.

"Bree is brilliant with computers, and Riley is a campus cop. Between Bree restoring the file to my computer and printing out the delete date and time and Riley finding the security footage from the library with the same date and time, I had enough proof to have Jane and Heidi expelled from the school. I got an A on my paper and passed the class. Of course, I was ostracized as the girl who got Jane and Heidi kicked out."

They sat in silence, Edward holding Bella to his chest and Bella letting his warm embrace console her.

"It isn't anything nearly as bad as finding out you're adopted, but I just didn't trust my own judgment anymore. Even with all the help from Bree and Riley, I was always waiting to find out that they were pretending."

"I am so sorry that happened to you, Bella. Why didn't you tell your dad? He's always so supportive of you."

"Oh, Edward. I was so upset and felt like such a failure. Daddy is so good at reading people and probably would have spotted them on the first day. I just didn't want to even think about it ever again. I didn't even plan to tell you, to be honest. I just wanted to pretend it never happened in the first place." Bella's cheeks heated with embarrassment at the whole situation.

"So, Bree and Riley sound like they are good friends." Edward encouraged Bella to continue talking.

"They were. And very patient while I learned to trust them. Bree was the one to convince me that coming home wasn't a failure, even though it really feels like it. Riley still says he's coming up here to go fishing with Charlie." Bella smiled at the thought of Riley wearing a fishing hat and his big, clumsy fingers trying to tie a fly.

"You still talk to them?" Edward was sure why it surprised him, other than that Bella had never mentioned them.

"I do, mostly through text and email. Riley graduated last semester and is staying there until Bree finishes up."

"That's nice." Edward decided a change in mood was a good idea. "How about we take a break from the heavy-duty shit, huh?" He nudged Bella until she smiled and agreed.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I'm in the mood for kicking your ass at Scrabble." This earned Edward a loud roar of laughter from Bella.

"Have you ever won against me? Much less 'kicked my ass'?" Bella moved to clear the table while Edward brought out the game.

"Never, but there is always a first time"—he smiled and patted the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary—"and I'm feeling lucky."

* * *

I think Edward should always feel lucky. Things are good for now, but how do you think talking with the 'rents will go? Do you want to kick Jane's ass?

OH! I have a twitter account. I use it to harass my beta and to announce when I update a chapter. If you're interested, check out persuasive_twi (creative, no?)

Thanks for reading!


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